It's another day in hell! You wake up on the best side and head to your favorite caffeinated brown water dispensary. So many wrongs to be righted. There's a lot of work to do!
You jump on the phone and start your day. Comment here. Reply there. Something snarky, something neat, something that can't be beat.
Why won't people agree with you? How can they sit there just thinking their own thoughts NOT agreeing with YOU??!?!?! It's a disgrace! This NEVER happens. (Note: it happens every goddamn day.) You spend your entire day locked in a comment war. Work? It can wait. Friends? Well, they left long ago. Responsibilities? This is all you've got. Time to hunker down.
A month goes by and you haven't stopped. You have dozens of missed calls and unread texts. You're malnourished and filthy. Exhausted. But the typing never stops. If you don't fix the world who will?
There's a knock at the door. Probably the Uber eats guy 4 the hundredth time. You black out. When you open your eyes, you're surrounded by people you used to call family. You blocked them all on every social media site you frequent (which is all of them). A man in a white lab coat approaches the bed to which you've been bound, inserts a couple earbuds into your dumb, fat head and a BRAND NEW EPISODE OF W3 THR333 TR0LLS comes on!!!! This week's guest is PETE C!!! You may know Pete from his 1.7k comment-strong FB posts, legendary roast battles, or his green new deal everyone can get behind.
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