I write but often feel like I am not heard. Not cared for. Not interesting enough.
I constantly feel lonely. Whether I have my dog with me or my partner. I am crazily desperate for friends. But not ones who just appear how and then. Ones who are ALWAYS there. I yearn to be liked, to fit in to not stand out. I find I am often trying to speak or act a certain way to make people think I’m funny or happy or like I fit with them. But my paranoia and anxiety and whatever else I guess kicks in. All I get in my head is:
‘Your such a weirdo. ‘They all think your so strange’
‘They are more than likely laughing at your behind your back’
‘They find you funny for all the wrong reasons’
‘You don’t belong. You know that right?’
‘That person you just spoke to, they really didn’t wanna talk to you they just stayed there to be polite’ ‘They hate you’
You know the list goes on and on.
I am at my wits end. It seems my anti depressants help with keeping emotion inside and I am not a blubbering wreck 24/7. But then I’ll have what I call an outburst. Where I do things out of character and it all happens at once. That’s the emotions overflowing. It shocks people, if it happens at work and I just walk out the store as I need to just breathe pisses them off. I’ll say things out of character and just do odd things.
I am truly utterly exhausted of fighting the world and myself.
Leg day solo today & I am pooped!
It's been a long week between work, two workouts a day Mon - Thurs & trying to keep the house clean. So glad I'm only working out once today & really looking forward to two rest days in a row 😃
1 510 minutes ago
Week one of band camp is over. I want to die and didn't march a step. Don't know how those guys do it. #tired#cigars#tanlines
"You tell me it's alright. Tell me I'm forgiven, tonight...But nobody can save me now":')
-Linkin Park ~nobody can save me now~
*rest in peace Chester💔💖*
Just felt like posting :) Please, please, please, save me I start school in 4days Oml 😭 I don't wanna leave blue😣😖
Also sorry my top lip looks werid ...lol... Idk what else to say :]
Hi, how's your day been?