I've often heard other moms talk about it and it's something that sounds real to me.
Except, I've never quite felt it.
And that bothered me for a while.
I've actually tried talking myself into feeling bad for my moments of negligence.The ones that happen to all of us. That time of the day when we're there but not really there with the child. When we lose our cool because we've had too much for the day. When our mind is going bzzzzz and we can't really process anything. But whenever I analysed my weak moments as a mother, I didn't feel guilty.
I felt human, yes.
A human who can't always be at the top of his game. A human who slips up here and there. But I never felt guilty of being a bad mother.
This may be classified as forceful justification by some and useless overthinking by others. And I wouldn't completely disagree. I was almost feeling 'left out' for not feeling a certain emotion that a lot of moms do. I felt guilty for not feeling guilty. Does that make any sense?
It was a message I received from a very overwhelmed mother that made me try to write this down.
We are so deeply conditioned to believe that a woman should ideally stop existing outside of her role as a mother, that some of us feel like a criminal for wanting to keep a part of our lives that's not directly related to our child.
But what is criminal is this unreal pressure to let go of who we are and what makes us that for the false belief that a mother can't have a sense of self. That if she does, she must be a bad mother.
There have been many instances when I didn't give the best of my time to Aleyan because I needed to do other things. Things that didn't really fall under the job description of a mother. But things that mattered to me as the person I am.
Other than being a mother.
And no matter how much I tried to blame myself for stealing these pockets of time for my own sake, I did not feel guilty. Not because I'm on some supreme level of 'dhittai' but because I NEED to stay connected with myself to be able to connect with my child.
Because if I lose myself, I won't be able to find my child.
So is motherhood 🤷🏻♀️
Outfit by @kaaraofficial
149 219017 hours ago
This product uses the Instagram API but is not endorsed or certified by Instagram. All Instagram™ logos and trademarks displayed on this application are property of Instagram