I N T R O D U C T I O N
My name is Aiyana. I’m 19 years old and 5’1. My favorite color is emerald green and I sing Disney in the shower.
I cry at kids movies. I cry at love songs. I cry when I’m happy. I cry when I’m scared. I cry too much.
Sometimes when I’m in bed at night my heart tries to climb into my throat. I push it back down and it decides to bang against my rib cage in protest. My lungs become a punching bag and I forget the taste of air.
I never answer texts as fast as I should. I think that maybe I’m a bad friend. I think that maybe I’m not a friend at all.
Sometimes I get so afraid I’m never gonna make it. I’ll never be where I wanna be and make the art I wanna make. I turn my fear into more art but I never know how much I believe in it.
I try to turn everything that hurts into a poem. I can fold it up and hold it in the palm of my hand. Ink that bleeds and paper that dissolves in salt water. Sometimes I wanna dissolve with it. Put a piece of my soul in every poem, a horcrux, until all that’s left is stationary.
I love bad horror movies and staying up to watch the sunset. I love lying in the grass and i love music played loud. I love the feeling the drums in my chest. I love the ringing in my ears.
I get angry too much and laugh too little.
I cried while looking at the wobbly bits in this picture and the imperfection of my skin.
I don’t know how to forgive myself for being human and yet that can never change that I am, in fact, painfully human.