*THE 6 STEPS OF FORGIVENESS
I love this Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) model that helps couples (and other dyads) process attachment injuries and reach a place of understanding, empathy, and forgiveness
1)The hurt person shares about his or her pain (without blame) as openly as possible. They dip into their primary emotions of hurt, sadness, worries, and fears
2)The other person stays emotionally present, non-defensive, and shows that they care about the hurt person’s pain. They acknowledge the hurt person’s feelings make sense and are understandable. They show that they see and understand the significance of their pain. They communicate that they are accessible, responsive, and emotionally engaged
3)The hurt person shares more about the core of the hurt by expressing vulnerability. When their partner is not defensive and listening to them, they feel safer to explore further and go deeper
4)The person who has contributed to the hurt needs to be empathic and take some ownership and responsibility for how they contributed to the hurt. It’s important that they express sincere feelings of regret and remorse
5)The hurt person asks for comfort and identifies what they needed then from their partner, and what they need now
6)The other person responds in a caring manner and provides the antidote to the hurt by showing they care by being Accessible (I care), Responsive (I am here for you now), and Emotionally Engaged (you matter to me)
Hello, if you are new here this is me and my husband Ricky. We met on the beautiful island of Hawaii over 8 years ago. I was finishing up my masters and he was getting ready to discharge from the Marine Corps. My plan was to move to NYC to pursue my passion for Emotionally Focused Therapy and his plan was to move to California. We put no pressure on our relationship and just let it happen. ✨
We would lay at Waimanalo Beach and “talk story.” More like talk about our ambitions and goals. And our love for the UFC and jiu jitsu. ✨
As the time approached for us to move apart, the closer we got the more we didn’t want to leave each other. So Ricky made the first move and said he would move with me to NYC. And we haven’t been apart since. We married 5 years ago. And have moved 4x time together. We also welcomed our son Gunnar into the world 2 years ago. ✨
We both have grown tremendously and we wouldn’t of been able to without the help of an Emotionally Focused Therapist. ✨
Normalizing that every couple fights and has its downs is something that I put out there when I work with my couples. We now learned to lean in and repair it. It’s not an easy task and it’s hard work! And the end result is AMAZING and the bond that we now have is sooo secure, loving and safe. ✨
If you are struggling with your relationship, google “Emotionally Focused Therapy” we are all over the world! ✨
I will continue to share my story in efforts to reach out at least one person!
Truth! Once something is feeling “off” or we are feeling more anxious then usual. The natural response is to “fix it” or think “I’m broken.” EVERY HUMAN has ups and downs. Everyone! I’m not saying this because I’m a therapist. It’s true.
Some people just learn how to cope with emotions. It doesn’t mean that they are addressing the core issues.
It’s NATURAL to compare yourself to others.... “why isn’t my husband getting angry at this like I am? “What’s wrong with me?” “My friend seems to manage her stress so well, why can’t I?”
“My parents never fight and here I am fighting with my wife?” We have to be able to accept our emotions as they come. Don’t try to fix them immediately, or think you are a lost cause because things aren’t going the way you want them right now, or because Debbie/Charlie seems to manage stress better than you!
Awareness and space are both key factors in managing emotions. Then you can start practicing self compassion! ✨
Hello! I’m so excited to be doing an #InstagramTakeover today on #LittleBrown! I’m an author, clinical psychologist, primary developer of #EmotionallyFocusedTherapy ( #EFT), and proud dog mom!
Thanks so much for spending your Instagram day with me! And be sure to check out the link in bio for more info. - Sue
FAQ from students (pre- *and* post-grad) and clinicians: “How can I learn more about becoming an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist? Do you recommend any books I can check out before deciding about the EFT externship?” 😎🙌 Here’s a little preview into a super useful resource from Dr. Sue! Just to clarify a common confusion, EFT can also stand for “Emotional Freedom Techniques,” which is a protocol that involves tapping—I’m referring to the #evidencebased relational model, #EFT, created by #SueJohnson. Take a peek inside and see what people training like myself are up to in the counseling room! I love this model because it fits my personality and validating style, and I also deeply appreciate the level of clarity and confidence it inspires within me and the clients I support—with any relationship in front of me at any point, I can show you on a map which stage and step we’re in and where we’re heading next. It’s all about bonding and emotional #attunement. Can’t recommend it enough as a modality for clinicians working with/hoping to work with relationships and systems! Feel free to DM if you have questions; I’m always happy to talk shop. This work is so close to my heart. 💞 If you’re a potential client looking to do some EFT counseling work, feel free to scope out my website, HeartAndScience.net, to learn more or/and request a complimentary face-to-face consultation to see if we might be a good fit! Clinicians and students can also access more resources and info on upcoming trainings at: iceeft.com! ☺️🙌 #iceeft#holdmetight#solutionfocused#traumainformed#healing#counseloreducation#atx#couplescounseling#premaritalcounseling#psychologybook#therapybooks#emotionallyfocusedtherapy