Hallo ihr Lieben, die letzten Tage waren bei mir wieder sehr geprägt von Hoffnungslosigkeit, Antriebslosigkeit und vorallem Unachtsamkeit. Ich möchte euch nicht die Ohren voll jammern aber ich möchte das trotzdem gerne hier fest halten, ist dieser Zustand doch schon so gewohnt für mich, wie ein dreckiges zu Hause, nicht schön oder gemütlich aber zu Hause eben. Oft oder eigentlich immer falle ich nach positiven produktiven Tagen wieder in diesen Zustand zurück. Heute habe ich wieder ein Zitat von Eckhart Tolle aus dem Buch "Jetzt! Die Kraft der Gegenwart" für euch und für mich. Sich einzugestehen das man einer dieser Menschen ist, der irgendwie immer im Wartemodus auf ein besseres Leben ist, ist nicht leicht und schnell neigen wir dazu das direkt abzulehnen. "Ich? Was? Nein!" Aber nur wenige von uns beherrschen die Kunst das Jetzt immer genau so anzunehmen wie es gerade ist, ohne insgeheim auf ein schöneres, wohlhabenderes, leichteres Morgen zu hoffen. Für mich geht es gerade darum an diesen Tagen, in denen es manchmal scheint als hätte ich alles vergessen was mir gut tut, zu erkennen das ich gerade wieder in meinen alten gewohnten Mustern bin und zu probieren da mit Liebe an- und raus zu kommen. Nicht wie bisher mit verurteilenden Gedanken die eine riesen Schuld und Ablehnung gegen mich selbst hinter sich her schleppen. Es ist okay das es die letzten Tage anscheinend nicht anders ging aber das muss (und wird!) mich nicht davon abhalten mich heute wieder liebevoll zu behandeln und wieder Gas zu geben. Selbst wenn es erstmal nur 5 km/h sind. 😅 Babyschritte sind auch okay. Ich muss lernen meinen Gedanken nicht einfach freien Lauf zu lassen und immer wieder achtsam zu werden und ins hier und jetzt zurück kommen. ❤️
This week we meet Toni Versic, the man behind Tonibody, the company changing the lives of thousands of men and women, from all over the world.
Toni Opens Up about his first panic attack along with the anxiety he still suffers from, as a result of it. Toni gets even more vulnerable by Opening Up about his struggle through heartbreak, depression and the suicidal thoughts that followed. 🎧 How to listen: 🎧
Search iTunes & Android: ⬇️⬇️⬇️
“Open Up podcast with Lachlan Samuel"
Have been having a bit of a weird time of late mentally... Haven't been training as hard, eating as strict and haven't been focused enough. Was amazing to pick up most dedicated at @atn_barnstaple Christmas dinner but since then I've had an overwhelming feeling that I haven't been as dedicated as I could have been. This has caused so many conflicted feelings since, the pride of that was great but I have begun to feel it's undeserved. Then there are the feelings of do I kick on now and try to do the best I can be the most dedicated and the most dedicated I can be or do I keep plodding... I'm drowning in a lack of motivation right now and the only way I can think to fix that is by hauling myself into the gym, under my own mental protest, then work the fuck out of my muscles and try to see some light... So that's what I'm going to do, I have so much else I could and maybe should be doing but I need a good mental boost right now. The one I get when I train hard!
Meet Bug, my best bud and my partner in crime. Adopting him was one of the best decisions I’ve made in a really long time. Having someone else to take care of takes the focus off of myself which is a really good feeling. Living alone is great but can also suck. He makes it awesome. Thanks Bug 🖤
I was thinking of killing myself a few minutes ago. As soon as my emotions rose up, I grabbed my laptop and wrote what I felt... And I'm still feeling them.
I decided to post this because maybe, someone will see this. Maybe I can engage myself in a little conversation. Maybe that'll help me forget about this feeling for a second.
I need help.
And even though I know for a fact that nobody cares, I still wish someone would be there.
MID-WEEK MOTIVATION: This mid-week post is about the importance of mental health. Many people live normal lives and do not have this struggle while others do. Depression and various forms of other mental illnesses strike without warning and it takes people down into dark places. Depression in particular often brings negativity to the surface so quickly, that it masks ones character. Please help or talk to your friends if they suffer from depression, anxiety, or any other. Recently lost a family member from severe depression who was in the military. It hurts. He committed suicide the other day. Still hurts. Reach out to the ones you care about. Highlights from my paused squats last night to dedicate to Jim’s honor and service in the military. 445x3, 450x2, 455x1, 460x1. All PRS, depth need work, but I tried and succeed: all that matters! 500 squat is very close. The gym is like another form of a church when I have to face my depression. I face it everyday but this is how I choose to better myself and inspire others. Depression I won’t let you win, I’ll kick your ass.” Happy Wednesday everybody! Go forth and conquer!
Completely at random and out of the blue we decided to go see these three kickass Southern Rock bands last night.
It. Was. Awesome. We sang and danced and stomped and whooped all night!
It often surprises me the effect that such experiences have on me. If we had more of them, more often I don't think I would need the pills. For the first time in ages I felt awake and valid. My mind was on fire with ideas and just general energy. All because of music and people.
It reminded me that the key to getting better isn't just the pills. Those may be something you take for the rest of your life, and there's no shame in that. I think of mine like a vitamin supplement. In the best cases though, those supplements are only there to stabilise you so you can take the next step.
It's also not just the therapy. When I say this, I mean you can't go talk to someone for an hour every week and expect to see a permanent change. You have to work on yourself too, and that's hard.
For me though, the key is forging connection with other human beings and being present in the world. I suppose that's because I'm an extrovert, but it's always worth remembering that even the most introverted of us need human contact.
Our brains are hardwired to live in groups, but our society compartmentalizes us. Please make time to buck that trend and reach out if you need it.
A little bit of a ramble, but TLDR? be prepared to work if you want change. Don't EVER think you need to do that alone.
My new life started with Building H, TAFE Ultimo. I forced myself to push more and more to learn proper English more than I did in Malaysia. I was told that 15 weeks EAP takes 20 weeks normally, but I stoically had learnt and finished in 15 weeks. It was too exhausting, but simply, I really loved every session.
Eventually I saw my best mentor/English teacher today. hadn’t seen him since I left TAFE last year end. All the teachers I met at TAFE were so/too great, and I could finish EAP course properly. learned a lot. not only English stuffs, but lives. having sort of ‘acceptance’ as a mum/student, so that I could concentrate on my learning more than before. .
I’d been in a deep depression since I left Japan in 2016. recovering day by day, but often crushed as questioned to myself like ‘why can’t do this?!’, sort of. I was getting annoyed by myself, and also disappointed to myself for not achieving well.
At the end of the 3 sessions, I felt relieved as eventually wrote proper one at the end of the session without significant mistakes. Without my teachers, and officers, could not survived at all. .
I participated an information session today, but seems I have to start from Cert4. I still have some time, so is okay.. .
Anyways, good day today. caught up with my friend, saw my teachers, and my best mentor in the world, promising coming back in next year.
I change, I challenge, I do what I decide.
- A little reminder that you have every right to feel whatever emotion you want. You do not have to apologise for having emotions.💕
3 99 minutes ago
exactly what i needed to see this morning. thank you @__youll_be_okay__ :
Today I want you all to try something, instead of telling yourself bad things or that you can’t do anything right. I want you all to just force yourself into motivational and positive thoughts, just for today. It’s an amazing mindset to have and it really does make life a little better and easier, I promise❤️
2 39 minutes ago
There. I said it.
What is it about that word that makes us feel ashamed to use it? After all, mental health is a hot topic nowadays; you can't read the paper without coming across a story or statistic about depression, anxiety or, sadly, suicide. And if we're told that one of the best things to do is to talk about it, why are we so scared to say the actual words to the people we know and love?
One of the things that I know about myself is that I'm terrible at hiding how I feel. There have been many times when I've cried on the school run, while driving in the car, or walking the dog. I must be known as the the Crying Mum by the other school parents, children and teachers. There was even that time the headteacher offered up his office so I could have my mini breakdown in relative privacy.
But there are only a handful of people I know in real life who I feel comfortable being open and honest with about how I feel. Maybe that's because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Maybe it's because they know the Other Me. Maybe it's because, in that particular moment, I want to forget that I'm not well.
Because I need to face the facts. This is a mental ILLNESS. It takes time, help, and often medicine, to feel better. Just like any other illness, if we ignore depression, it's not going to disappear by itself. And it's not going to go away overnight.
Christmas is looming, and it's going to be a challenging time. When all that you want to do is be by yourself, either because you just don't feel like socialising, or you don't want your sad, miserable face bringing everyone else down, Holiday Partying is the last thing that you want to do.
I am going to try. I might not be the life and soul of the party (I never was, to be fair), but I'll try.
Of course, there are good days. I read somewhere recently that you can be happy and laugh, and still be depressed. Actually, writing it down like that sounds really morose now, but there you go. (Continued in comments)
1 011 minutes ago
i've started dipping my toe into the world of cartomancy and it's a little eerie because the cards i've drawn have cumulatively pointed toward a need to rely on intuition and feelings. other cards have indicated a lack of stamina and lack of physical resources, yet the strength to power through (spooky, right?). the thing is, depression and anxiety have voices that lie to us and even though i know this, during difficult times those voices are too loud to ignore. my logic is compromised and my train of thought has guilt as the conductor, forging full speed ahead. yesterday my panic was so consuming that it felt like my thoughts were all screaming at the top of their lungs with indiscernible words. i couldn't understand a damn thing but it was too loud that i couldn’t escape. today, i'm going to try to rely less on my thoughts and more on how i feel and see how that goes. -me
The Hardest pill to swallow
• and isn’t intended to scare or trigger but
- its truth -
Bucking up the courage to actually Ask for help in this society that teaches us receiving is weak and giving is strong is hard enough. Seems like you have to be the strongest to even admit defeat, and admit you need help. And then ASKING for it is another thing.... But I’m telling you from someone who’s been there time and time again, and have Found that Inner Strength to ask.... in tears.... And I’ve been ignored, belittled, or simply denied, time, and time, and Time again
From asking to be understood by finding and sending online articles in the midst of my own mental health crisis to the people who are supposed to care, to asking for a simple friend’s call, to asking and suggesting ways to support me from friends and family, to.... calling Samaritans and various Suicide helplines several times, on different days, ready to take my own life...... and no one picks up. I could even go on but then it Really would scare you...
☠️—SOMETIMES NO ONE COMES THROUGH—☠️
But this happens, and it’ll happen in synchronistic Clusters, IN ORDER TO TRIGGER YOU INTO YOUR NEXT DESTINATION. YOUR NEXT LEVEL. IT MIGHT BE THE MOST PAINFUL THING YOUVE EVER HAD TO FEEL, the Emptiness, and what feels to be the complete betrayal of the people or care systems you thought were really there for you. But soon you will have to realise the biggest truth of all.....🌪 that
No one is really here for you,
🦠💖FOLLOW👉👉 @kittenheal 💖🦠