Three lessons I learned while reading 1 Corinthians...
1. Selfless love is the priority for every person that claims to be a Christ follower. The Lord wants to see His children love others the same way He has loved us. So... how did He love us? He loved us by giving every single piece of himself up, expecting nothing in return. We need to do the same, not only towards our spouses or the people we enjoy being around but towards the world.
2. We must learn to control our emotions and refuse to let them control us. The Word calls us to have self control. It doesn't just urge us to have this quality in 1 Corinthians, but in multiple verses within the Bible. Galatians 5:22-23 states that if we are truly displaying the gifts of the Spirit, then we would possess and express self control in every area of our life- including our feelings.
3. Love is an action. God does not command us to feel certain ways, but he commands us to act certain ways. The word, "love" is not something we should sit trying to muster up before starting our day- It's something we have to commit to living out and we must do it whether or not we want to.
If Christians everywhere truly grasped these three concepts, this world would look a whole lot different.
5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.
2 Corinthians 11:13-14
13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. 14 And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.
" - “O Lord,” I prayed, “be kind and heal me, for I have confessed my sins.” But my enemies say, “May he soon die and be forgotten!” They act so friendly when they come to visit me while I am sick; but all the time they hate me and are glad that I am lying there upon my bed of pain. And when they leave, they laugh and mock. They whisper together about what they will do when I am dead. “It’s fatal, whatever it is,” they say. “He’ll never get out of that bed!”
Lord, don’t you desert me! Be gracious, Lord, and make me well again so I can pay them back! "
A chapter that I feel sorry that I didn't know of last year. Feels amazing to read it, remind of the bad times I had, and see how great life turned out to be eventually thanks to our Lord. Everything changed so fast and became so great, and I finally have the powers and the tools to deal with every breakdown my life expects me. Thank you God for being my secret friend, leader, and father. Thank you for talking to me and leading me all the time, and accepting me, although we both know I'm not perfect. I was blessed to be born as a Christian. ✞
[ 18.08.18 | 10:30pm ]
I can’t believe how far I’ve come! To think of all the years I struggled, I have truly come out a completely better person. I’m currently in the process of writing a short novel about my experience with religion and faith and it’s going AMAZING! I’m looking to write most of the time so it can be finished ASAP, then I will find a publisher! I know I’ve always been spiritual and looking back now maybe some of my episodes with psychosis wasn’t actually issues, but rather a spiritual experience. Who knows. (I am saying this for ME, I am not dating this applies to everyone!). It seems so weird - from being exhausted, depressed and on the verge of giving up, to feeling amazing and recovered. I absolutely love this. I don’t even care if it’s only been a week, I know this is 100% my recovery. I can’t even imagine me feeling down anymore, it’s unlikely that’s going to happen again. I just want to thank all the people who are planning on buying my novel - you are the best!!!!
Sometimes, you just need some chocolate ice cream.
Letting God comfort me instead of food is a great struggle. If I was graded in this area, I’d definitely fail. But God doesn’t grade. And failing is okay. Two Thursdays ago was a tough day. I was reminded that life is fleeting and this world isn’t my home. I questioned where God was and His goodness, cried when I should’ve held it together and wondered about letting people in. Then, Friday happened. And that day was a lot tougher. Although the initial shock of Thursday had worn off, I was still left with my thoughts and feelings, and sometimes they can be terribly daunting. So after work, I drove to Braum’s, bought a pint of plain chocolate and ate it for dinner.
It’s okay to not be okay. Crying every time I think about Thursday is okay. Asking God to take away what He’s allowed is okay. Realizing He may not and getting angry with Him is okay. He can handle me. He’s never surprised by anything. He knows how I act. I wish I never lived this season of life so I wouldn’t have to experience what’s happening. I want to run away from the pain that’s engulfing my heart. I need the pain to be bearable, and I long to feel better.
I know God wants to comfort me. He wants me in my weariness to go to Him for rest. He wants me to think on the things in Philippians 4:8. He wants me to trust His truth won’t be stifled by the dominating thoughts dancing in my head. He wants me to remember His goodness and that his plans are for good and not evil. He wants me to know He’s growing me.
It’s okay to not be okay right now. This state isn’t permanent. God knows all, and He’s never letting me go.
14 11812:39 PM Aug 8, 2018
Kelly Kapowski. She was every boy’s fantasy and every girl’s goal. On Saturday mornings in the early 90s, I enthusiastically welcomed her and the rest of the Saved by the Bell gang into my living room while I watched them navigate their lives in 30 minute episodes. Kelly was the all-American girl at Bayside. She was pretty, popular, confident, friendly and sweet. She was the captain of every sport she played and the stealer of Zack Morris’ heart. She was perfect. I would never be her.
Of course, I knew that I could truly never be Kelly, but I definitely tried emulating her. At least in my head. I gave my mind total control and let it run wild. “If I say a boy’s name after hi, he’ll like me. If I break up with a boy but am still confident and friendly, we will get back together.” (Even at the young age of eight, I was thinking about boys.) “If I’m not mean, I’ll never be friendless. If I wear makeup, I’ll always be pretty.”
At 34, I’ve realized something. I don’t want to be Kelly Kapowski. I want to be Brittany Blackburn, and I want to be the woman God created me to be. I want to be a real person, not an idealized version of a fake one. I don’t want to live my life perfectly inside a box; I want to live it abundantly doing God’s will. I want to experience wholeness and brokenness, happiness and sadness, confidence and insecurity. I want to need God and know that His power is made perfect in my weakness. I don’t want to have unrealistic expectations about relationships; I want to know God’s truth and design for them.
I will never be the captain when (if) I play sports, but I am the stealer of a heart: God’s. He loves me unconditionally, calls me beautiful (even without makeup) and wants me to just be me.